Dr. Anjali Verma, (Sr. Sexologist)
MBBS, MD
MBBS, MD
PMCH, Patna
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Question. I am 28 year old male from Mumbai. I am married and have a child. I have a peculiar problem. I am attracted towards good looking guys and even have sex with some. What should do? I am totally frustrated. Please help.
Answer. You surely don't expect me to believe that you don't know what your condition is called?! There's nothing peculiar about your problem. You are a homosexual. Admit it and cope. There is no treatment for this. But be sensible enough to take precautions as you have a wife and child. You could pass on infections. Use protection if you can't keep it in your pants.
Question. I have a 38-year-old married son and has a daughter. Problem is that he has lost interest in sex. He is only interested in watching porn on the Internet and collecting lingerie, which are not in his wife's size. When he was young, he used to collect hairbands, clips, undergarments, etc. This has created a rift in his marital relationship. Please help.
Answer. He has a strong fetish. Please approach a psychiatrist. Also, convince him that he should either stop it or do it in private, but he should take care of his wife's sexual interests.
Question. I am a 30-year-old married man. My problem is that I can maintain my erection while I am resting on bed (on my back) but as soon I stand, my penis loses erection in few seconds. Kindly suggest solution as I am very much disturbed as I cannot perform my intercourse well.
Answer. Sustaining an erection requires continued stimulation, mental and physical. Anxiety about being able to sustain an erection is itself an important cause of erectile failure. So is distraction. There could also be other important vascular causes for this that will require special investigations, but, in general, if one is able to sustain an erection in one situation and not in another, it is the situation that needs to be addressed first, not the penis.
Question. I am a 28-year-old bachelor. In my early 20s, I was very confident about sex. However, my janam kundali says there will be a problem in my sex life. Now, I have actually started feeling that I may not be able to have children as my penis "falls" very soon. What should I do? Please help.
Answer. There is no connection between your kundali and the penis. What falls down can also come up and so will your penis. Why complicate your marriage with unnecessary anxiety? Just be happy and keep your wife happy. Leave the rest to fate.
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Question. Does Vasectomy make a man impotent?
Answer. Sterilisation (vasectomy in males and tubectomy in females) does not reduce the desire and performance. In fact, by removing the fear of pregnancy, sex can be more relished.
Question. I am a 31-year-old married woman. I have undergone two miscarriages. I have the tendency to urinate very frequently. This causes a lot of tension, especially if I have to go out. Could there be an infection? Please help.
Answer. You should consult a doctor along with the urine report of your morning urine sample. Try to stop and start the flow of urine five to six times. This will strengthen your muscles.
Question. How to increase holding period during sex?
Answer. The holding period extends from sexual stimulation to the final ejaculation and depends largely on the sexual urge of an individual. The time period varies from individual to individual even from one situation to another, for each and every/same individual. It can be well governed by systematic introduction of foreplay in a sexually free and non disturbing environment.
Question. I suffer from bilateral varicocele. My left testicle has moved upwards whereas the right one is where it was. My penis has shrunk from being nine inches to four inches. If I undergo an operation, will my penis size reduce further? Also, with surgery, is there a chance of impotency or lowered sperm count? Please help.
Answer. All these questions can be clarified by a specialist. The testicles will not be affected. In fact the operation may improve sperm count. Kindly re-measure your penis as there is no reason for it to have shrunk. You will be as sexually active after surgery as you are now.
Question. What is "gym balls" or "saddle balls"?
Answer. In response to cold, anxiety or nervousness penis and scrotum shrink involuntarily, due to the action of Cremaster muscle. The similar muscular action affects cyclists and bikers where due to constant pressure penis and scrotum shrink and referred as gym balls or saddle balls. Failure to correct saddle balls can lead to erectile dysfunction.
Question. I am a 22-year-old man. One of my friends told me that consumption of Vodka leads to impotency. I am not a regular drinker, but I have it occasionally. I also smoke along with drinking. Right now I am normal, but I fear about its long-term effects. Please reply.
Answer. Vodka, like any other alcoholic drink, does not cause impotency if drunk in moderation (proof: look at the Russians). However, avoid smoking, that can be the culprit at times.
Question. I am a 20-year-old boy. I have a good physique and work out regularly in the gym. I use to masturbate every day, but I stopped because I wanted to experience nightfall. It's more than 20 days but nothing has happened. What could be the reason?
Answer. Have patience. Nature works on its own speed, unlike you who seems to have overdone masturbation.
Question. You often advice condom usage even while indulging in oral sex. But I don't understand as to how the partner could be comfortable with the rubber's taste. Can it cause any harm? Also, when the man performs oral sex on his partner, there's no protection. Can this be termed as risky behaviour? Please reply.
Answer. That is precisely why it is advised to have sex only with a single reliable partner. Moreover, there are special flavoured condoms available for oral sex. With an unknown partner, unprotected oral sex is risky.
Question. I am a 25-year-old virgin girl. Sometimes, while studying, I get a strong urge to get physical with someone and I can't stop myself from taking a pillow between my thighs. At times, I get aroused in the middle of the night when there's no reason whatsoever. My friend told me that doing this can break my hymen and harm my virginity. Is that true? Please help.
Answer. You are only satisfying your sexual urge. It is perfectly safe and your hymen will not split if you do not insert a finger or an object in your vagina. Even if the hymen gets split, it is only when you have intercourse that you lose your virginity.
